I’m someone who has always liked the idea of intuition. While the sentiment of trust your GUTS is spot on, it can feel confusing to recognize my intuition at times. Is what I’m listening to my intuition? Or is it another part of me, like ego or fear?

Intuition is a muscle

A defining experience I had around this was related to an adolescent love. When I was 18, I met a 40-year-old man on Craigslist (yikes!). My first kiss was with him, he said he wanted to focus on other things, and I convinced myself that we would ultimately get married and have kids. Wouldn’t it be so romantic for my entire romantic road to be with one person? I really felt this in my bones. It felt so true.

Not surprisingly, as time went on, I realized that I wouldn’t end up with him. And that made me question myself. How could I trust myself if I got something so significant wrong? Did I believe this just because I was scared to be alone? Or I was scared no one would understand or affirm me like he did?

At that time, I took solace in the realization that intuition is a muscle you need to strengthen with practice. It can be “wrong” sometimes. Just because something doesn’t have a 100% success rate doesn’t mean you shouldn’t listen to it.

While I still think it’s true that intuition is a muscle, I have a new perspective on it now. At times, I think your intuition can guide you toward something or make you think something for your highest good. During the time when I believed I would end up with the man I had my first kiss with, when something awkward or challenging happened, I imagined telling him about it later. He would reassure me and understand where I was coming from.

I think I needed that belief to carry me through that time of my life. It made me navigating my college landscape bearable.

Intuition vs. OCD

I’ve never gotten a formal OCD diagnosis (just an NVLD one), though sometimes I experience intrusive thoughts. Like, “I need to move a small twig from the sidewalk to the grass or something bad will happen” or “I need to re-read a sentence several times or I’ll go to hell.” Is moving a twig from the sidewalk for the highest good? Or is it just anxious noise?

In general, I think it tends to be anxious noise. But sometimes it’s not. Like I remember when I was on the train platform before I was knocked unconscious, I got the sense to get on a car one ahead of the one I actually went. I chalked it up to just being an anxious thought and ignored it.

But I wonder if that situation as had to do with routine. I got in a routine to always get on the last train car (though, for safety reasons, I learned it’s better to be in the first car.) Sometimes my thinking can be very rigid, even to my detriment.

Trusting the universe

At the end of the day, I have an ever-evolving relationship with my intuition. I’m open to exploring things more and seeing what I learn. I trust in the benevolent unfolding of my life.

And I hope that my strong belief that I will find an amazing life partner is wholly true, not just a belief to carry me through this period of my life. Whatever ends up happening, I trust that it’s for the highest good. Me navigating my intuition (and making mistakes along the way) is all part of the process. (Should I start a sentence with “me”? Maybe not, but I think that’s the clearest way to express that thought.)

Like the universe, intuition can work in mysterious ways. I look forward to exploring it more, knowing I am divinely protected and loved.