I’ve been on a long and winding path with sex and romance. I have so many truly insane stories. (Like the sommelier who told me verbatim: “Time for action. Time for anal” or the programmer who said she genuinely thought she had more value to society than I did.)

I’ve been processing all of these experiences while writing a solo show about it all. This is something I know I’m meant to put into the world. It’s certainly healing for me, and I hope it’s healing for the people who see it.

At one time, I wished my entire romantic road would be with one person. But now I know that the experiences I’ve had are a gift. They’ve prepared me for having a healthy relationship with the life partner the universe is conspiring to bring to me.

Here are 3 big things I’ve learned:

Blowjobs don’t lead to a relationship

I spent my early twenties thinking I needed to blow someone (and swallow for cleanliness) on a first date so they’d be interested in me. I find that laughable now. Sure, that could keep a fuckboy kinda interested for a time, but I’m not interested in being with a fuckboy. I’m interested in being with someone who wholly respects me and my boundaries.

Boundaries are a good thing

I used to think that connecting with someone was so rare, so if I connected with someone, I should put out. But through experience, I’ve been able to define my boundaries and recognize when they’re being violated.

I had a fun, flirty call with someone. After the call, he asked for a sexy bedtime pic. I responded, saying if that’s what he’s looking for, we’re not a fit. Simple. Clean. Powerful.

The power of expressing how you’re feeling

An ex showed me the banana piano, and I shut down. He took it as I wasn’t interested, when actually, I just didn’t understand it. The well-trodden wounds of me feeling dumb came flooding to the surface, but I wasn’t able to express it at that time.

Fast forward a couple of years later, and I was cooking with my now ex (he gave me a butt blug for Valentine’s Day. What?) He asked about a utensil or something, and I felt the wounds of being “not normal” come up. Instead of shutting down, I was able to express what I was feeling and he was supportive.

Looking to define and act in accordance with your boundaries? Book a discovery call to see if we’re a good fit.