I’ve been on a long, winding path with sex and dating. And lately, loneliness has been hitting me hard.

It hit me a little in Sydney—wouldn’t it be romantic to meet an Australian with a cute accent I really connect with?—and I did end up going to a speed dating event there (no amazing love connections, though.)

The spiral

I responded to a reddit ad Thursday night, I received a very thoughtful, positive response asking for a pic. I sent the picture featured on this post, and he said that I’m definitely cute, but not his type. Certainly, I appreciate a response vs. ghosting. And I’m trying to view it through the lens of, “This person just isn’t your person. It’s the universe clearly telling you that.”

But, I dunno, it seemed like we would’ve connected on a mental level and it’s like…why can’t people be more open-minded? I’ve found that physical attraction can grow, if you have an initial mental/emotional connection.

I get we’re all in different places. And this person wasn’t my person…but I crave that flirtation, that excitement, that possibility…

So, after getting that rejection, I posted a couple of reddit ads myself, I taught a yoga class, and then returned to lukewarm responses. Then, I swiped through Bumble and Hinge without anything interesting. I scrolled through reddit personals. This energy was heavy, needy, coming from a sense of lack. And, in some way, it felt addictive, telling myself I would go to bed, but moving from my laptop, to my iPad, to my phone, consuming personals.

The lesson (again)

As this was happening, I did feel some reassurance from the energy/highest self of my future life partner (or maybe it was a way for me to reassure myself): “I’m on my way to you. And our connection is going to be overwhelming in a good way.”

It’s OK to be lonely. Wanting companionship is a basic human need.

I trust that my person is on the way. I trust that if I listen to intuitive nudges and continue to grow, I’ll meet my person. I trust in the universe’s divine timing. From an astrological perspective, it looks like it could happen in fall of this year or next year.

I can’t fuck this up.

I deserve a caring, nurturing, growth-filled, and delightfully silly relationship. I’m choosing to enjoy my singleness (use that time, yo!), feel my loneliness when it comes up, and know in my bones I have so much to offer: I’m a fucking incredible woman.